Dear Flash
I have been trying hard to keep the folliwing incident out of the media

There was an incident yesterday in EasyBorne when a police SWAT team surrounded a toy shop scaring a little boy. Apparently he was misheard and in fact asked for a Blow-up Plane.

I think I managed it.

PC Copper

Think Tank Memorandum
Idea #211: The loveliness Jury

Flash
There have been recent reports on whether men should be allowed to appear topless in public. Whereas most people would not mind seeing this, they are less impressed with seeing this.

As a think tank we have been discussing what we should do about it. With the introduction of the new ID cards that everyone must have which will include important information, we have decided that it could also include a Loveliness quotient; a single number that represents how easy you are to look at. We could ask every one to sit in front of a randomly picked jury of 100 judges who will then give a thumbs up or thumbs down on your general aesthetic appearance. The number of thumbs up will count as your 'loveliness' percentage.
Then when everyone in the country has a percentage we could issue laws that you must obey depending on your loveliness Quotient.
Examples
1) No one with a L.Q less than 50 must be topless in public.
2) No on with an L.Q lower than 70 must present television.
3) People with an L.Q lower than 20 must be asked to sit in special windowless rooms in restaurants.
4) All people may enter a cinema but anyone with an L.Q lower than 10 must be escorted in when the lights are off.

Just a few suggestions

Think tank member 'Jags' Prescott