File #P15t01
Flash
After recent reports that gun crime has been rising in London, we have finally made a break though. After intensive research, we decided to ask some people what was going on. Apparantly there is a game called Street Wars where they use water pistols. I repeat, there are not real guns, so we cannot arrest them for gun-crime- we can however arrest them for breaking the water ban rule. Should we go ahead?

Agent Dripster.

PS. Lucky we didn't shoot down an innocent man

Copy of letter found in a bin at the F.A. Headquarters.
Photograph attached

Dear Mr Person who runs Football.

My Name is Nikki and I am looking for a boyfriend. I know that you are in charge of all the footballers so I would be grateful if you could pass this letter to the ones that don't have a girlfriend yet. You could start with the ones that earn the most money and then work your way down. But I don't want anyone who earns less then £40,000 a week or hasn't played in the world cup so you can ignore Theo Walnut.
Any way. My qualities are: I am a fun person that hardly ever gets upset. I am a model and Promo Girl. I am loyal, so I won't like it if my boyfriend talks to someone else. I hardly ever eat, unless someone else has made it. I don't like Air conditioning, MP3 players or tap water.
I will make a good girlfriend because I deserve to be rich and not poor like my Middle class family.
If you like me then call me, and invite me out to China Whites. If I dont like you I may like one of your footballer friends so bring them along too.

Nikki

Photo attached