Field report number :24BBC
Extract of letter discovered shredded in a bin in Apple Headquartes.

Forward to Apple Executives.
Dear sirs. As you are aware we are in a terrible crisis with the upcoming court case. It has come to our attention that there will be an expert witness appearing on a British television news station. The name of the witness is Guy Kewney. We must not let him give his testimony.
We have operatvies in the field acting on this. We have found a replacement Guy, a cab driver looking for work. We will orchestrate it that he will accidentally by chosen for the interview as opposed to our witness, therefore not allowing the witness to give evidence and making the BBC look like a complete load of incompetent idiots. We will be killing two birds with one stone.
I will let you know if the plan succeeds.
The Boss

Secret memo intercepted from Rafael Benitez to his team
Dated: Friday 12th may 2006

Players
we have some financial problems. WE are going to find it hard to pay our way next year especially if we want to buy new players so here is my plan. Firstly I have noticed that the bookmakers have put our team odds on favourite to win the FA cup. The odds on West Ham winning are small. So what we are going to do is liquidate our assets and put the money on West Ham to win the FA cup. all we then need to do is make sure that they win. Here are a few suggestions
1) Carragher. You are near the back. Try to get an own goal.
2) Reina. You will be in goal. When you get it, fumble it a bit but ONLY if there's a WH player there to pick it up.

Good luck guys
The future of the team is in your very clumsy hands.

Signed
Raffles

File #442
Copy of application letter delivered to Marriott Hotel Catering Manager.
Dated 6th May

Dear Sir/Madam
I was horrified to hear of the bizarre accident that occurred to your Head Chef. It is amazing how easy it is for an electric egg whisk to accidentally fall into a bath tub.
However I am led to believe that there is now a vacancy as Head chef at your hotel. I am keen to start immediatley as I believe you have a very important party to cater for. I would be glad to work on a trial basis. Please believe me when I tell you that my Lasagne is to die for.
I look forward to hearing from you soon
Alison Wenger

Report #442
File Name: Project Rooney
Flash
Our plan to sabotage the local elections is going well. It was very clever to tap into England's Football Frenzy. Using Wayne Rooney as part of the misdirection was genius. Now the country is worried about their football chances. It was clever replacing the turf with little mini landmines for that match. Now all we have to do is leak to the press that details about Rooney's condition will be revealed on Thursday, that way everyone in the country will stay in on Thursday Morning and therefore not go and vote.

More details to follow

Agent Rooney's Boot